Wednesday, March 4, 2009

dream confusion

I’ve always been a vivid dreamer. Long, detailed, colorful, specific, and vivid…and I almost always remember them in their entirety. I remember, as a child, telling my Grandma the details of me dreams on an almost daily basis (thanks Grandma for feigning interest every time without fail). Infact, I can still remember quite a few of them completely.
Now, that being said, I know dreams are a mix of things from your subconscious and things from your imagination. I’ve had dreams where I woke up to a revelation… definitely me trying to tell myself something in my sleep. A few have been a little harder to decipher… dreams that have taken some thought and some bouncing around to figure out. I’ve also had dreams that were random and strange and didn’t mean anything to me.
So last night I had a dream and I’m not really sure what the hell it means…

First, I was back in highschool (not age-wise, just location-wise kindof). I was back on the basketball team and the damn coach wouldn’t let me play (just like in highschool) no matter how hard I tried and no matter how well I played. I was talking to someone from my past (not someone I talk to anymore) about how much I wanted to play and thanking her for being such a good friend even though she was the star of the team and I was the girl riding the bench. I really felt like I owed her something
Then we (the whole team) went to the store to buy a bunch of stuff. Somehow I end up completely naked, pushing a cart up and down the aisles. People are looking at me strangely, but in my dream shopping naked isn’t necessarily ‘wrong’ it’s just ‘frowned upon’. Thing is, I’m not so much embarrassed about being naked, I’m more embarrassed that I have to get dressed. I want to put my undies back on, but I don’t want anyone to see me do it so I keep walking up and down the aisles, continuing my shopping. I would rather be naked with people looking at me disapprovingly and judging me, than let them see me put my undies back on.

I guess the basketball thing means I feel inadequate… but I DON’T really… so what gives?
Why the blast from the past?
Why do I feel like I owe somebody something for my non-success?
I know ‘naked in public’ is supposed to mean you feel exposed or vulnerable, which I guess might be a little true (new country, new job, new friends, etc)… but what’s with me being more embarrassed to put my clothes on than I am to leave them off?

I don’t get it…. Your interpretations are welcome. We’ll see what tonight brings. ;)

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